Josh,

Thanks so much for reading and responding to this post. Your honesty and vulnerability show me you have a genuine desire to know and experience more of God in your life. That is a great place to start!

Many people start out in faith in a similar way. You are exposed to Jesus as a child, and when you hear that message, you want Jesus. Jesus even said it only takes the faith of a child to come to know him. Also, like many, as you get older, that child-like faith seems insufficient to sustain you, and your attention and desires shift to things that seem enticing, pleasurable, and fulfilling. But unfortunately, they leave us incredibly empty and unsatisfied. Even your involvement with astrology and numerology shows a deeper desire for more than what you are experiencing in life. You are on a quest for something spiritual.

I believe this is how we are made – with a desire for something outside ourselves, some would call a God-shaped hole. And the good news of Jesus is that wherever you are when you turn around to seek God, you find him right there. I understand the frustration of not seeing the value of maturing in faith sooner. But it sounds like you are ready now. And the disciplines you need aren’t to please God but to allow you to know him more deeply and allow his Spirit to begin to transform you from the inside out. Too often, we spend so much time and attention on sin management that we fail to see that willpower doesn’t transform us. Time with God in his presence can replace sinful desires, and take our heart of stone, and give us a tender, transformed heart.

My best counsel for you is to find a church or a group of people who are seeking Jesus and join them. This can be tricky as some places care more about what you look like and can pretend to be than who you really are. And Jesus calls us to come to him as we really are, sinful habits, warts and all. It is in being our authentic selves that we can begin to experience the life change Jesus offers. If you need help finding a place, let me know (you can email me directly at info@ashworth.church). I’d love to help get you plugged in somewhere so you can begin to experience God’s love and see what it means to be an apprentice of Jesus. I will be praying for you.

Pastor Brent

Currently going through a bad period. Looking back, it was down to my immaturity and bad decisions. I grew up in church and believed in Jesus Christ and God and the bible that they are unquestionably real. Jesus’ death convinced me that this can’t be a lie and I believe that He is the only way to Heaven when I was a young Child. Remembered praying about it on my bed to tell God that I believe in Him and Jesus’ as the only way to make sure that I can go to Heaven. The thing is I didn’t really think much about sin. I was very young then and the only sin I can think of is lying and stealing sweets. And tbh I don’t feel guilty then. I was happy then, believing and thankful that I can go to Heaven.

I was then baptised when I was 18 years old. The thing that has been bugging me recently was the reason I went to be baptised. I heard a sermon on baptism when I was 18 and remembered the speaker said that one should get baptised if one believes in Jesus and also it acts as a testimony to the public. I forgotten about it until my crush back then decided to get baptised. I decided to go get baptised as well partly because I didn’t not want her to get baptised before me (friendly competition) I know this was really immature thinking. But deep inside, I agree why I should get baptised as a way to obey Jesus. And also I was very sure that I believe in Jesus. It’s just the thing that got me off my seat to go baptism seems off when I look back at it. It’s like this blip on a result slip.

Fast forward, my heart started to sway from Jesus in college and work. I started to sin more, read astrology, numerology innocently, porn addiction. I realised it was wrong after reading the bible. Jesus was also against sexual immorality and said that the sexually immoral won’t go into Kingdom of Heaven. I did pray and asked for forgiveness. It was really this time that I felt I was sinning and prayed so hard for forgiveness. Im still struggling with these two addictions currently and tried to pray for forgiveness after committing. The thing is, I felt I deceived myself as I was so sure of my salvation for 20 plus years. I realised I did not really understand and experienced repentance. yes I believe in Jesus and believe that He washed away my sins. but i realise that my understanding to be a Christian stays at a very beginner level. I started doubting my salvation and also the legitimacy of my baptism. This affected me at work till the point I was not offered a contract extension due to my performance. Now I face the pressure of finding a spouse as well. I was quite angry as I was sure if I had know about the full picture of being a Christian when I was young, I would have put it in the discipline to be a Christian that pleases Him. I feel like a fake but it is really unintentional.

Seek your advice thank you 🙂

Ann

Patti,

This is one of my favorite verse and exchanges Jesus has with his disciples. Thanks for sharing it.

Zoo to You is for kids of all ages (and kids at heart). This is a community event open for all.

I’m experiencing the same exact thing…

What was God’s answer? Surely he’s told you by now, whether yes or no, and if yes what he did.

Frustrated,

That could be the case. Is it possible that it is because of the way we have been taught to view God or our misunderstanding of God that leads us to disappointment? I know I’ve had to do a little “deconstructing” in my own view of God. I found honest conversation in community to be very helpful in restoring (and even deepening) my faith in who God is.

Thanks for commenting.

A hiatus might be what is needed.

I have been deceived by the so called good life where my heart was actually very far from God without realizing that. Now I have difficulty coming back to God and this would require a change in heart something that is difficult for me to switch to. Please keep me in prayer for God to change and softened me to His light which I am blinded to now

After years and years of being faithful. Reading the word, I’m not perfect but my heart is right. Years and years of crying out, fasting , and being a good servant , I’m giving up at the thought or belief of God. At this point it’s a mythical creature. Teachers /Preachers of the word talk about scriptures to read and follow. Promises if we do this , God is faithful to answer, How God is working even though we can’t see it. My question . If God is such a “good good Father”, why does he ignore. our pleas? Why does such a good Father who is omnipresent watch while his children suffer? My house is full of bibles, religious books, religious papers, I’ve used and written over many years . It’s a waste. A waste of resources and time. I’ve not asked for riches. I’ve asked for table scraps bc others are in greater need. I help others always., so much more I could say but over the years God ( if he is ) has shown favor to one’s that have abused me. Was it wrong for me to not avenge myself but give that to who I thought would take it from me? I put all my hope in God and have received no comfort , no care, no acknowledgement he is even or ever heard me. As a mother, I could never not comfort and care for my own children. To me, God has shown me is unreachable and does not treat us equally.

I got myself into an unyoked marriage but God saved it.
I got myself into pot addiction but God restored it.
I got myself into false idols and God destroyed them.

But after about 3 months of this horrible struggle with bad theology that I’ve created and or other people, now I’m going back to it. I know it’s horrible to go back to places that God has delivered me from but when I’m struggling so much and failing so much it pushes me to just do what I want. KNOWING THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES. Everything is falling apart.

I don’t know how non believers do it I don’t. I like having someone HUGE to fall onto when I’m drowning.

But my flesh just does not want to come off and Ive often wondered why God has kept me alive on earth and not taken me home. I feel like the prodigal son, and I feel like him ALL THE TIME. I feel like Jacob when he wrestled with God or the angel. Ironically my name is Jacob. But I am such a fool and would like prayer please!!! I can’t tell you how many radio broadcasts or articles I’ve asked to pray for me.

Most brutally honest and Truthful thing I read in a Long long time!!!!
Make Yourself manifest…..or hit the door.

God is a sadistic piece of s*** who deserves contempt, not praise.
Read about God’s bet with Satan to wreck Job’s life without an explanation. And how he had to give Job a new family and animals at the end of his torture session because the old ones were still dead……

Loving God, you say. Well, look at the world around you. Would an enlightened deity create something as messed up as this place? Isn’t God actually the Devil?

Lorrie,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. During this challenging time, I hope you can reach out to a church, a community of people who can walk with you through this. Sometimes when we can’t see or feel God, the faith of others can help sustain us through our most difficult times. And remember, God has not left you or given up on you even when it feels like it.

We will be praying for you.

Thanks for reaching out. Unfortunately, we will not have our annual Celebration of Lights this year (2021). We are evaluating it for the future. Thanks!

Brent

the same thing is happening to me that happens to crystal, i feel peaceful when i decided to let go of God, somehow im not bombarded with negative thoughts and the sense of uneasiness that has been tormenting me for a long time, i am statrkng to think whether the God that ive been serving and praying to is actually not the real God real. i know this is something terrible to say but it is the truth of how i feel, please forgive me fo this.

Crystal,

First, thanks for the comment and for reaching out. We all go through times where we don’t feel transformed or dry (even pastors!) Following Jesus is rarely a straight line but often has ups and downs, times we feel transformed by Jesus, and times we can feel like we are going through the religious motions. I believe that as long as we are seeking, Jesus will not reject us. When we think about following Jesus, we can assume it means a lot of religious activity or rituals. But Jesus tells us that when we surrender to him, his burden is light. That doesn’t mean life gets easy. It does mean that we can put our trust in him to carry us through even when we face the greatest challenges.

Why did it feel lighter when you let go? I don’t know that I have a good answer for that, but it could be that you’ve been trying to do this on your own. Do you have a faith community that you can talk to or that can help you in this? Having others around you that support you, encourage you, and pray for you during this time could be a great help in keeping you focused on Jesus.

I hope this is helpful. Please feel free to reach out again if you have more questions or if there is any way we can be of help.

Andrew, thanks for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful comment. As I read what you wrote, several thoughts came to my mind. First of all, I want to clarify that the term “born again” comes from John 3 and is not tied to the charismatic or pentecostal movement. It simply means that by trusting in Jesus for the forgiveness of your sins, the Spirit of God will come and dwell within you. You are saved by this gift of God’s grace and not by any good deeds you might do. Second, I hear a sadness in your message, which makes me feel like perhaps you still have a desire to be connected to Jesus. Telling yourself you are like Judas may be the enemies ploy to turn you away from God when at this moment he is holding his arms wide open for you to come to him. When you mention the demands on your submission being far greater, I wonder if you are believing the lies that you have to be good enough and do everything right enough to please God? Jesus invites all who are weary to come to him. It sounds to me like you may very well be exactly who Jesus is talking about. If you check out our values, we say Jesus care more about relationships than religion. I encourage you to stop focusing on the demands at this moment and instead ask Jesus to meet you where you are, with your doubts and all. If you want to discuss further, leave another comment.

Proud,
I have to wonder if it is a bit short-sighted to think there are only two reasons people might have faith. I believe there have to be many more reasons than these.

I am curious, what would you consider to be a doctrine that empowers you?

Thanks for the comment!

Brent

People are christian for one of two reasons: 1. They were raised in the church and indoctrinated at an early age and 2. As adults, they failed at something and chalked their failure up to “god’s will.” Personally, I stopped believing in doctrines that don’t Empower me.

Joel, Thanks so much for commenting. I think most of us have been where you are in having things happen to us that make it difficult to trust God. Let me encourage you. When it seems like victims receive more punishment than the offenders, remember it was Jesus who took on himself the punishment on our behalf. And while it may not all be “fixed” now, we know that what we see in the self-sacrifice of Jesus for us was only the beginning of God’s restorative work in making all things new.

Joel, Thank you for your comment and the honesty about your struggle with God. I understand it can seem as though prayer is nothing more than an exercise in futility. But I do believe that if we continue to seek God, he will reveal himself to us in ways we could never imagine. The mystery of God is greater than this blog post or even this reply could encompass. But I know that the God I see represented in Jesus in the New Testament shows a God who does care for you and knows the depths of our pain and struggle. And even though it may not be in our timing or in the way we would have preferred, God is working on your behalf. Don’t give up. Please let me know if we can pray for or with you in whatever it is you might be going through. To reach out in a less public way, go here: https://ashworth.church/make-a-difference/prayer/

That one

I have never waled away from God . Been mad at him darn right. Is it his fault no is it mine usually. I realized after all is said and done no one is perfect not even Christians but we are more aware of the not so right decisions we may make sometimes. An I pray to God every night to forgive me for all the dumb and selfish things I do daily

Lynn,

Thanks for taking the time to comment and express what I sense to be very real struggles in understanding who God is and how he could allow the world to be the way it is. These are the big existential questions humanity has wrestled with since creation. Unfortunately, too often, our faith has tried to provide nice, tidy answers to the questions that don’t have nice, tidy answers. And asking such questions has been frowned upon and discouraged.

I believe that the questions you are asking now have the potential to either draw you towards God or allow you to walk away from faith. While these are difficult questions to wrestle with, I know that seeing them exclusively through a western worldview can create greater tension. We assume that if there was a God and he is all-powerful, he would never allow bad things to happen. We forget that God, in his divine patience, is working things out towards an end that will one day remove all pain and heartache once and for all. But until then, it is his patience that bears with us as we wrestle with these questions but also groans with us as we endure the pain.

We have to see what God has done and continues to do on our behalf. It wasn’t God punishing his Son on the cross until he cried out. It was God himself, God the Son, on the cross, defeating sin, death, and the grave, inserting himself into our difficulty and pain. Romans 8 speaks a lot about the current groaning of creation and how God is working the present suffering toward the new creation, a new heaven, and a new earth.

I know that a quick reply to a blog comment doesn’t answer everything fully (if answer anything at all). But don’t give up yet. Keep exploring. Check out the writings of scholars like N.T. Wright (here and here) and others who are working to help shed light on such difficult issues.

Pastor Brent

Thank you for articulating so clearly what I have long suspected and finally experienced. Unanswered prayer (for protection) is what brought me to questioning his might.

I am re-evaluating what I have been taught and believed for forty-eight years of my life. I am walking away. The God I was brought up to believe in may very well be something I had learned to plug into spaces where things do not make sense to me. He has finally proven to be that bad partner that I have given all benefit of doubt and tenuously provided explanations in moments where he did not live up to his promises. This is not who I am in my daily life but, apparently, it’s who I am spiritually – I make excuses for someone who does not live up to his promises.

As it is, I’m currently struggling and embarrassed for having touted his name even when I was going through a difficult time only to end up in a pitiful situation not of my making. I have been thinking of those characters in the bible whose faith in him was so strong and yet they ended up experiencing extreme suffering no human being should have to go through. I’m thinking of John, Paul, Simon, Job, Joseph, David the apple of his eye. The fact that John’s head ended up on a silver platter to appease someone who did not share his faith or, that a “father” left his son hanging on the cross until the son cried out why he had left him or, asking Abraham to sacrifice his son to prove loyalty, all make me wonder about the grace and mercy of this Being. How mighty is this Almighty? How sovereign is he? Why does he demand so much of his followers? Who is he? Why would he even care about me?

Please don’t hesitate to pray for me as I walk away. I am not sure what I believe in now. Matthew 5:45 says the rain falls on the just and the unjust. Here we are.

“Indivisible tensions lay thick throughout the air. Blacketed by is weight it’s what is impossible to bear. On the steps of the pathway father must have knowingly paved, I hoped to one day follow but now I rue the day. As I approach His blurred form, He’s silent like a corpes. A funeral atmosphere comparison clouds every thought. There are no bereaved or mourners as should be the due course. In the wake of all the sacrifice witnessed from the cataflaque. You sat there silent and guided in ways inconceivable while we Your childeren chased a goal that was unachievable. In our naivety we mistook Your brilliance for warmth. Confused by Your blinding light I thought myself as your son. Now everything we sacrificed for You have called into doubt. How could I trust Your guidance amidst all the secrets you keep out. I know now You will let me live any lie that I need to, so long as I cover the needs You have deemed that I see to”

This is how I’ve come to interpret God. To me He cares for a few and cares not for the many who have sought Him earnestly. I’m part of the many I believe He does not care for. More like a tool than anything.

From the moment man first disobeyed the Father
We were then held captive by our sin
The law of God demanded a sacrifice
Restoring to Himself His own again

We are so glad to have you as a part of Ashworth Church and look forward to when we can be together again to get to know you both better.

But the explanation offered here seems to indirectly deny the sovereignty of God. It never allows that it is God who assigns our suffering, our dark times, quite possibly to drive us to seek him. (Think ‘Job’, Psalm 88, Psalm 22, etc.. and all those places the Christ figure says to expect difficulties if one follows/believes him). So, as Job, I say, “Yes, sometimes it is God’s fault that we are going through the flames and the feces of life.” None of us asked to be created, to suffer, to seek for a Creator who never reveals himself personally/experientially/evidentially. Sure, sure, we can all read the ‘Bible’, but we can’t vicariously live out the same things we read about. No suns standing still over valleys. No waters parting. No lame men walking and leaping. No jar of oil running out, etc. You get the idea. If God is still ‘God’, why are there no miracles, no explanations, no answers, no prophecies? Most important to the doubting: why no help even when the ‘Bible’ says all throughout to call to this God and he will help? (I’m using those rhetorically, as a skeptic would.) Your article has in a sense answered nothing, though it may have helped you ‘feel’ better. Truth is, the Hebrew view of YHWH Elohim was of a God that was omnipotent (see the miracles), omniscient (otherwise all prophecies make no sense; just guesses), omnibenevolent (able to provide instantly), omnipresent, etc.. But when one steps back and starts really asking logical/rational questions of the ancient texts, combined with the lack of evidence at the experiential/personal level (other than confirmation bias…i.e., God answered my prayers because ‘x’ happened…) one has to seriously consider, “Is the God the Bible speaks of real, or just the Hebrew version/view of whatever it is that made us?”

But the main thing this article left out was that most people turn from God because of UNANSWERED PRAYER. That’s it in a nutshell. And one could offer multiple theories as to why that is (like Job’s ‘friends’ did with him) but no explanation, however valid, can assuage the grieving and questioning heart. Just some things to think about.

Like the article says, we understand the reasons for giving up on God. But our hope is that you might recognize the significance of walking away from the one who created everything and loves you so much. Is there a way to find your way back to him? Would you be willing to take that risk?

I second those thoughts!

Ryan,
Thank you for the information and your consideration. Unfortunately, the pews are too long for my purposes.

Becky

The pews are 13′ long and 24″ deep. We have 2 with your name on them if you like!

~Ryan

Ramya, hopefully you see we rescheduled our swim night for this coming Saturday night from 6:15-8:15 PM. There is no registration for this event, so just show up ready to have a great time! Hope to see you there.

Ramya, Thanks for the inquiry. Unfortunately, swim night had to be postponed. Like our Facebook page for updates.